So I have a long history of “blogging” and then forgetting to blog. Let’s take a memory tour:
- Pre2000 – Homestead .gif website and Kamishibais about penguins.
- November 2000 – Sheila departs upon creating a “Moment of Zen” on her personal website The Dandelion Patch. These blurbs are a mix between pop culture quotes, high school wisdom and esoteric rants.
- December 2003 – Too lazy to continue hand coding her stream of conscious, she moves to livejournal and just includes it in an i-frame on her website.
- July 2003 – She moves almost solely over to livejournal due to the social networking/emo sharing possibilities!
- June 2008 – Sheila attempts to have a grown up blog and weight loss blog on blogger. Interest wanes fairly quickly.
- 2,763 tweets ago – Void is filled by twitter.
Needless to say I like writing and I like sharing and I learn stuff all the time. Here I HOPE to make an effort to chronicle the next few turbulent years that shall encompass: planning a wedding and subsequently getting married, making a quilt, surely painting more murals, traveling to Europe, traveling to Asia, traveling some more, picking up new skills, applying to gradschools and other icky/fun adult stuff. Because I love to write! Heck, I have a tattoo dedicated to it. I’m sick of squirreling it away via twitter.
For now this blog will be pretty simple until I get my act together and host it on my website.
Now that is over! Next entry shall be more informative.
Or at least therapeutic- S
Lazy fingers dip into the water
Bored eyes scan the horizon
Weary heart and worn spirit
Guide me as I drift
Nothing to hold on to
So I keep going
With nothing to grasp on to
What a lovely mirage I had once
Of comfort with a smile
True love I could relate to
Keeping me warm for just a while
But when I opened my eyes
And reached out to touch the faceless beauty
My fingers met perfect ripples
It was but my reflection in the water
Hopes crushed and feelings hurt
It was only me that let me down
I thought this one was different
But it was just the same
The realization hit me
As I tumbled from the false supports
How could I have been so foolish?
To have been carried away
But I continue
Hoping I have learned
And the deep loneliness still fills me
As I drift in this sea of people
Fog has settled upon my mind
Misty eyes guide me
And shadows support me
Fumbling through the dark I find you
But how can I know you
If I can’t see the true you
Dark shadows fall on your face
Tangible beauty you are to me
But how do I know
For I know no other
You are the one
The only one
Careful for I am fragile
I am weakened
From the endless pain
I hold onto you with trembling fingers
I no longer know what’s right
All familar lines have blurred
For so many voices calling
Ripping me apart
Beloved hands that once had lead me
Fight with each other
To grasp me
Oh the silky white hands
Sport dark talons
How lovely they had once seemed
But I can’t be certain anymore
In the darkness
This utter black
I watch my step
As I fall
Always back into your arms
Guide me for I am blind
Love is a sort of blindness
That ails us all
My lips so eager
And yours so tender
Forever I had wanted them
But in a second it was over
The warmth of your embrace
And the memory of this
I can feel your finger tips
Imprinted in my skin
Is still with me
Your eyes so warm
Your presence so right
Lips so soft
They all haunt me
You are with me
Though you have gone
And I can still taste you
On my lips
Baby Sun rose with the day
And thought, “I must go out to play!”
Up the hills and over a stream
Baby Sun let his joy beam.
Just a little ball of energy
He ran, skipped, and chased a bee.
He tasted the wind as if a sweet
As he danced happily in the heat
Then Baby Sun climbed a pine
Got to the top and let his pride shine.
He enriched the flowers to make them grow.
In the river he dipped his toe.
Baby Sun noticed it was getting late
But he thought, “Oh sleep can wait!”
At the end of the day he was getting slow.
His shine was now only a glow.
Mother Earth took him in her arms, hugged him tight.
Now you could barely see his light.
After she dressed him all in white, Mother Earth put him in his crib and
It got dark and in the night crept.
And tucked in his crib of stars, Baby Sun slept.
As the stars rocked him in a gentle way,
Baby Sun waited and dreamed of a new day.
Tiny bubbles inside your soul
Bringing new thoughts to the surface
Thoughts you hadn’t dared to think
‘Til those fatal words were whispered
Contrary to your thoughts
They brought new life
But the new flora is poisonous
You don’t realize this till it’s too late
‘Til you do something stupid
And the truth comes out.
These words were small lies
Dressed up as sheep
You had no reason not to doubt them,
Other than your own instincts.
We deny our link to the animals
So we forget that instincts can save you
Save your heart from dying
From unwittingly committing suicide
By taking the small pill
The pill called hope…
Why do I torture myself?
Crucify myself on your cross
Why do I pretend?
Not to feel the hurt
The need to hold you
To melt away your fears
And heal all your wounds
But I can’t have you
And you don’t need me
Yet this hunger is with me
And I have grown accustomed
Accustom to you talking of your other loves
The ones I know you’d rather have…
Than your shield
The one that would do anything for you
Sacrifice everything for you
Only if you would smile for a second
The hope of this smile keeps me fighting
Fighting till my own ruin
My heart is aching when I don’t see your smile
Your smile so loving
Your eyes so knowing
Your heart… not mine