“Paris, Mon Amour” – A Poem about the Paris Love Affair

So come Christmas I started a poem and today I dragged it back out and finished it.

I started it in one of my many moments of being struck by the beauty but the struggle (emotionally, financially, etc) within Paris that people experience as the make their place here.

Paris is that city/that relationship that you hate to part with.  With all its beauty and grandeur, there is raw grittiness to it that can be harsh. As like any big city you want to make it in, I suppose, just with thousands of years of love, life and art behind it.

Austin and I are epic-ly lucky and not on the streets.  But there are many here that live on the beautiful streets of the most romantic city in the world.

Honestly this is just a poem about love and life.  And what we put up with to be where we need to be.

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Paris, Mon Amour

J'adore Paris

Paris, Mon Amour
My mistress and my wife
My dirty little secret
I cannot afford, so keep me

You’re deep among my pockets
You’re streaked upon their face
They’re weary and uncertain
Except where they want to be

They come to you in droves
Then sleep beneath your clouds
Bundling the cold in
Thick life coats your street

You snarl but entrance
You love us all the same
We want only to sit and watch
As the rushing tides retreat

The tear stained entries welcome
And in century old puddles we reflect
I reach out to clean your cheek
Smearing mascara upon your face

I love your curves and hollows
I twist come every turn
With a swift drop I soar
Then down into a dive I race

If I wanted to leave your arms
I could not find the door
For with the long walk out
We are always turned within

But I am okay with wandering
As long days turn to longer nights
In shadows I still find shapes
The light persistently dim

I hunger for you but when I tire
I need not sleep but wake
Regard the sky completely
And breathe in all the more

You’re sexy but lethal
We want to swallow you whole
You build us, break us, feed us
We are for you…

Paris, Mon Amour

Sunset from Belleville

Or in other sung words:

– S

A New Beginning, A New Poem, & Home

Where is my mind?

So I have been absent from the blogosphere but this is all due in fact to diving into another product management position at another startup: TravelAvenue (new site coming… very very soon).  Starting first as a consultant, I was offered a permanent position which I gladly took!

So life?  Well, life is hectic.  But recently on a train to Lyon, I gave my self a moment to reflect and I wrote… a poem.

I am a Poet

For those who know the Sheila of… maybe 6 or 7 or 8 years ago. Even further… I used to write.  A lot.  And some of them?  Not so darn bad, I do think.

In fact, my tattoo on my foot is dedicated to my passion for writing.  I really. really. enjoy it.  And I once took solace in the fact that no matter what life path I took, deep down they would all be ok, because I knew who I was.  A poet.  Melodramatic, huh?  I even have a t-shirt commemorating the epiphany! I may have been a strange teen.

But I have not truly written consistently in at least 5 years… Why?

Trouble was I was often fueled by turmoil, usually romantic.  As any 17 year old is. And well, 6 years ago I met Austin.  I wrote a couple of my best poems after meeting him, sometimes because they were not so raw but matured, and perhaps not even about emotion. But honestly, I just never was truly motivated, to get it all out unless I had a crisis that forced me to NEED to get it out.

I just did not make time, sadly.

That Brings Me to Today – At Home?

Things are good just sometimes overwhelming, as to be expected with any Expat.  And this will be the first Christmas I miss spending with my family.  So in a moment of quiet reflection, I produced a poem.

Introducing my first poem in at least three years:

Home

IMG_8276

While sitting at home
I wonder
Where is home?
I ponder

Is home with my family?
With unconditional smiles
Drawing me back
No matter the miles

Is home with my love?
An embrace that enfolds me
Closer than my skin
Attached and cannot flee

What of friends?
Expectations none
Strangers now familiar
Fashioned by camaraderie and fun

Of substance or immaterial?
This place called home
We buy, we rent, we build
Fashioned of our own bones

And when work is fun?
And colleagues your mates?
Long hours immersed together
Longer than at your estate.

And of common man?
Of doors held open
To experiences, to compassion
Without trying to condemn

A country? A city?
A province? A state?
Branded upon your soul
Where you were born by fate

Delve deeper
If home is where the heart is
Is it in my chest?
Surely not among that bloody mess.

Home cannot just be a collection of arteries
Or only of another’s love
Nor constructed purely out of time
But home is all of the above

Home is now
It is me
It is you
It is where you feel truly and completely…


Free

Author’s Note:

A little cheesy, but satisfying and true.  I know both Austin and I truly relate to it.  So this is of course dedicated to our entire family: friends, coworkers, & kind strangers included.  But especially our family, in this holiday season. ;p

Now I am free to, go to bed – S

Blind

Fog has settled upon my mind
Misty eyes guide me
And shadows support me

Fumbling through the dark I find you
But how can I know you
If I can’t see the true you

Dark shadows fall on your face
Tangible beauty you are to me
But how do I know

For I know no other
You are the one
The only one

Careful for I am fragile
I am weakened
From the endless pain

I hold onto you with trembling fingers
I no longer know what’s right
All familar lines have blurred

For so many voices calling
Tearing me
Ripping me apart

Beloved hands that once had lead me
Fight with each other
To grasp me

Oh the silky white hands
Sport dark talons
How lovely they had once seemed

But I can’t be certain anymore
In the darkness
This utter black

I watch my step
As I fall
Always back into your arms

Guide me for I am blind
Love is a sort of blindness
That ails us all


Beloved Phantom

My lips so eager
And yours so tender
Forever I had wanted them
But in a second it was over

The warmth of your embrace
Holds me
And the memory of this
Calls me

I can feel your finger tips
Imprinted in my skin
Your touch
Is still with me

Your eyes so warm
Your presence so right
Lips so soft
They all haunt me

You are with me
Though you have gone
And I can still taste you
On my lips


Baby Sun

Baby Sun rose with the day
And thought, “I must go out to play!”

Up the hills and over a stream
Baby Sun let his joy beam.

Just a little ball of energy
He ran, skipped, and chased a bee.

He tasted the wind as if a sweet
As he danced happily in the heat

Then Baby Sun climbed a pine
Got to the top and let his pride shine.

He enriched the flowers to make them grow.
In the river he dipped his toe.

Baby Sun noticed it was getting late
But he thought, “Oh sleep can wait!”

At the end of the day he was getting slow.
His shine was now only a glow.

Mother Earth took him in her arms, hugged him tight.
Now you could barely see his light.

After she dressed him all in white, Mother Earth put him in his crib and
said, “Goodnight!”

It got dark and in the night crept.
And tucked in his crib of stars, Baby Sun slept.

As the stars rocked him in a gentle way,
Baby Sun waited and dreamed of a new day.

Pandora’s Hidden Evil

Tiny bubbles inside your soul
Bringing new thoughts to the surface
Thoughts you hadn’t dared to think
‘Til those fatal words were whispered

Contrary to your thoughts
They brought new life
But the new flora is poisonous
You don’t realize this till it’s too late

‘Til you do something stupid
And the truth comes out.
These words were small lies
Dressed up as sheep

You had no reason not to doubt them,
Other than your own instincts.
We deny our link to the animals
So we forget that instincts can save you

Save your heart from dying
From unwittingly committing suicide
By taking the small pill
The pill called hope…

The Yearning

Why do I torture myself?

Crucify myself on your cross
Why do I pretend?
Not to feel the hurt

The yearning
The need to hold you
To melt away your fears
And heal all your wounds

But I can’t have you
And you don’t need me
Yet this hunger is with me
And I have grown accustomed

Accustom to you talking of your other loves
The ones I know you’d rather have…
Than your shield
The one that would do anything for you

Sacrifice everything for you
Only if you would smile for a second
The hope of this smile keeps me fighting
Fighting till my own ruin

My heart is aching when I don’t see your smile
Your smile so loving
Your eyes so knowing
Your heart… not mine