First Post… BEES!

So finally put this blog on my own namespace.  New title: Learning Machine.  Because I am… a Learning Machine (think Iron Man).

Still have to make my own theme.  I have an idea.  Might take me 2 years to find the time to implement it…  Personal projects are usually the last to be implemented/finished.

But mark my word it will be glorious when I do.

So to mark this moving how about a post?


This weekend I went down to South FL to visit my parents.  Turns out they had their own smoke monster a brewing… honey.

Smoke Monster

Seems since 2005, the year of hurricane Wilma, my dad has not used his grill.  Partially due to lack of opportunity and partially due to the hive of bees that took residence in the grill that was secured a tree (hurricane proof and great for bees!).  My dad being a fairly nonviolent person despite the muscles and martial arts training left the bees alone.  Or at least he did until last week when they didn’t like him mowing the lawn… they didn’t like it one bit.  As evidence by his swollen bitten face.

So my father launched several attacks upon the bees: spraying poison, trying to lodge drum sticks in the hive & running at first site of swarm. Even got my brother in on the action at 1am last night. But the freight train mega-hive was pretty smart about protecting their Queen so stayed strong.

Enter Mr. Craigslist

So Bees can suck but they also are slowly dying.  Which as someone, who relies on her daily transfusion of honey to make her allergies at least placebo effect better and a general lover for the natural world, makes me sad.  I swear, everyday a tablespoon of raw honey, lemon and cinnamon… makes me feel super strong.  I started taking it a month or so ago and immediately felt better though I expected it to effect me next spring.  *shrugs*

My friend Natalie’s family owns K&D’s Honey Bees and she had mentioned to me that people sometimes call them to humanely remove honey hives.  She gets the sweet sweet honey, bees relocated, people bee-less.  Everyone wins!

So 2 hours south and sympathetic to the bees I turned to craigslist.  My mother had called the county and some local honey harvesters to only get no response.  I hoped the Internetz could help us.

The first question is Under what category do you post giving away an angry swarm of bees? I decided “free stuff” and “wanted” (i.e. I want you to take my free bees).  You have to be careful about posting the same post in two categories as its against the rules so I used my genius to reword a three line advert basically saying “HELP!  We love bees.  Relocate our grill full-o-bees!”.

The next morning we had three responses!  Two offering the service and one hoping for me to clue them into who they can call to give away their own angry swarm.

Save Bees: Smoke Them Out

Some very nice people came, got the bees drunk off of smoke and then loaded up their truck with 50 lbs of honey, a bucket full of wax and many other buckets of confused bees.  Sadly the honey will just be thrown away due to my dad’s first attack of poison. But the wax is good.  The bees saved.  And the internet has saved the day.  Really there are going to be some sad lost bees on bee milk cartons and not all of the hive can be taken together.  A sad swarm will still hover over the spot for the next 3 days.  Until, according to the beekeeper, other bees from all over the place come pick apart the useless remenents of the hive and they all fly off together humming happy songs.

Moral of the Story

If you have bees on your property.  Resist poisoning them.  They are slowly becoming endangered and their sweet excrement is awesome.  Call your local honey harvesters.  And if that fails just post on craigslist.  If we can have three responses quickly in Port St. Lucie… I’m sure you will have no problem.  It’s free. Humane.  And I’m sure you could ask for a jar of honey (if you haven’t poisoned the crop).